Pro-Tips:

• This one is long and somewhat detailed. You can probably skim the first part of this one for the technical bits that are most relevant to you. Or read it all, do what you want, I'm not your mom.
• If nothing else, I suggest reading the final section "Replacing Something More Meaningful." That's the good part.

Should I leave? (Yes.)

A few days ago I posted Why I'm Leaving Facebook (and you should, too), this is a follow-up. I covered issues from hate speech to the extremely dangerous reasons to get off of the platform. Rationally you get it, but emotionally maybe you've thrown your hands up in the air. After all, the world is on fire.

So, perhaps you took my post to heart and you're thinking you'd like to leave Facebook, too, and its sister platforms, Instagram, Threads, and WhatsApp, but now what? Where do I even go?

I know what you're thinking. It's the same thing you've been saying for years.

"I don't actually like Facebook, but I use it to keep up with family and friends, and I don't know how to replace it. Besides, I'm not posting anything incriminating or anything, I'm just liking people's pictures and stuff."

Here's the thing, you're all saying the same thing. None of you want to be there, but the fact that you stay and everyone else stays is the reason that everyone stays. Someone has to make the first move. More importantly, even if you believe your risk factors are not high (they are, though), by staying, you make it harder for people to leave who actually do have higher risk factors, for the same reasons that you've decided not to leave. Be part of the solution. Besides, you don't even like it anyway, right?

How to Leave

This will be different for all of you. If you want to just shut everything down today, light a match and be done, go for it. But, there are more options.

• Make an announcement. It doesn't hurt to let everyone know. I've been doing this. I want to make sure that the people I've been connected to have a way of staying in touch in the future. It's not necessary, but there's nothing wrong with it. I try not to make a public post with all of my contact details, but maybe one or two details that are easily found (like a link to my newsletter), and then I have messaged people privately with private contact details.
• Download your shit. These platforms generally offer ways to download your post history and pictures/media into an archive. You should be able to do a search for the process for any of the platforms, but if you have any trouble, reply to this email and I'll do my best to point you in the right direction.
• Delete or not delete? There are actually 3 options when it comes to Facebook, but realistically it's still a binary choice in many ways, regardless of the platform. You could just stop using the account (maybe make a post saying you're not using the platform anymore so people don't try to message you there), but this is usually reserved for when you think you'll be back at some point. With Facebook, you could temporarily suspend the account, which simply put, makes it seem like it's deleted, but it can be reactivated at any point, connections intact. Or you can delete it altogether. It's not an easy choice because there's a sense of finality to deleting it, but there's also the reality that it's unlikely that it's going to get better on the platform, and keeping it is probably not a great idea. I can't make the decision for you. I haven't fully made up my mind, either. But I don't think I'll be back, so. C'est la vie.
• Delete the apps from your devices. Reboot your devices.
• Sign out of your account on you browser. Close your browser.
• If you have Facebook connected to any other platforms or accounts, sever the connections.

Replacing it all

Admittedly, it will take a little effort, but you will be safer and happier altogether. And I'm also going to admit that any solution is going to have to be tailored to your specific needs. To make it a little simpler, I want to look at this in two different ways:

• Are you replacing a platform?
• Are you replacing something else more meaningful?

These are two very different questions. Let's start with the first question because it's more straightforward, but then we'll dive into the second because it's more interesting, and it's this question that made me take the route that I did.

Replacing Platforms

There are four different platforms when we talk about Meta, Facebook's parent company, and all of them are trouble for all of the same reasons. Realistically, you should never trust any specific platform, but you should actively resist and boycott any that are actively doing harm.

WhatsApp Replacement
WhatsApp is in a different category altogether than Facebook (and Messenger), Instagram, and Threads because it's about messaging, not so much social content, though chat groups serve a significant social function here.

What I use as a replacement for Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp:

• Signal. I've been using this for years. It's open source, frequently tested, and is very secure– but let me qualify this statement. No software is completely secure. I have no doubt that there exist possibilities to exploit communications on any chat service, but using these exploits come at a cost. As soon as the exploit is given away, it gets fixed. While I'm concerned with Facebook handing over what it has of my chat logs and metadata on Messenger or WhatsApp, Signal does not keep these logs and can't hand them over. If you're skeptical, that's healthy, but keep in mind that so far, Signal chats and metadata have not been used to prosecute someone for abortion. Facebook communications have. Intelligence communities do get frustrated with their ability to get through Signal when necessary. When dealing with typical threats that we've discussed with things like abortion or anti-trans laws, I'm not worried about high-level security, I'm just trying to make it not worth the effort or cost for local law enforcement vs Facebook just willingly handing over the logs. Security in this case is less about creating an impenetrable wall, but just increasing friction, time, cost, etc.
• I also believe Element, built on the Matrix standard and by the same people, is a solid choice, and I have a little experience with it. I feel like it's a better replacement for platforms more like Discord (which I'm still using for now), but might be a good choice if you are trying to replace a large WhatsApp group, as well, and I've seen it implemented this way successfully.

The important thing about both of these suggestions is that there is not a company that has copies of that data. They are decentralized. They are less subject to the whims of asshat billionaires or Bay Area VCs, and you have much more control over your communications.

Social Media Replacement
There are a lot of options, some better than others. We no longer have a Twitter as a public town square (if it ever really was one), instead we have an X platform and Truth Social filled to the brim with fascists and nazis. We have Meta looking to do the same with its platforms– they were always there, they're just louder now, explicit, and emboldened.

But, with the political fracturing of social media platforms, there bring some fresh possibilities, as well.

Instead of naming all the possibilities, I'll tell you what I'm using and why.

• Mastodon. (find me: @revoluciana@chaosfem.tw) I've been using Mastodon for at least a couple years now and while it's slightly complicated to get started, I've enjoyed a number of things about it. It's decentralized. No one owns it. It's safer, as long as you pick a good server. There's a greater sense of community, in my opinion. But I'm specifically tied into a very trans and queer and radical leftist community within Mastodon. If this isn't you, there is still a good chance you can find community there. One of the things I like best about it is that there is no algorithm, which means there's a lot of real conversation. It's not a great place to build an audience, but it is a great place if you're willing to be authentic and want meaningful conversation and relationships. I've found friends and chosen family through the platform. I almost began a PhD through a professor I adore who I met on the platform (but outside circumstances forced me to postpone indefinitely). I've had multiple collaborations through people I've met there. I don't think I can say this about any other platform I've been a part of. But the lack of algorithm is also what can make it difficult to get started, because you don't know how to find people and the conversations you want to be a part of. When you do, though, it's great. I'm happy to help anyone who is interested in getting onto Mastodon.
• Bluesky. (find me: @revoluciana@bsky.social) I'm hesitant to recommend this one because I have little experience with it yet, but I am starting, and while it's not been the greatest with queer people, most platforms aren't, and it is drastically better than X or Facebook. But if your politics are centrist, liberal, or leftist, it's likely to be a safer bet than anything else for now, aside from Mastodon. In comparison to Mastodon, however, there are more users already, and more people keep piling in. This can be especially significant if you're wanting to build an audience. Moreover, if you prefer having the algorithm, Bluesky has that covered. We'll see where it goes.

Replacing Something More Meaningful

You said it. You hate Facebook, but you don't know how to replace it. So, the best thing you can do is to take stock. What is it that Facebook or the other platforms do for you that keep you there?

If rational appeal to the dangers of Facebook's platforms are not enough to get you to leave, let me appeal to your emotions and to an alternative way of approaching the issue

My guess is that if you answer the question about what Facebook/Meta's platforms do for you to keep you there, you'll realize that the reasons that keep you there are things that Facebook doesn't even do well. You're there because other people are. You're there for pictures and updates that other people aren't posting much of anymore, that you have to doom scroll through a mountain of ads and content you don't want to see just to get to it. You like the memes and the news content, but the memes are screenshots from other platforms or creators you like who post elsewhere. The news is convenient because it's bite-sized, but you don't trust it and you don't trust the feed to tell you what you need to know and you don't trust the people sharing it.

So, how can you replace the things you want to use it for?

I was never much of a Facebook user until after my transition. I used it to let people know about my journey.

Something funny also happened. I decided to share other parts of me. I decided that all I wanted to do with Facebook was to share my writing and radical memes as agitprop and to show people I know of the type of worlds I envision. But there's no room for longer content. It doesn't quite work for me. And while I love to share authentically, and I love talking with the people who have told me countless times how much what I post matters to them, I don't see nearly as many people posting authentically on the platform, which is what I crave. I get so much more fulfillment and connection when I write a newsletter or a long post of some sort (whatever the platform) and interacting in the following conversations, both public and private. I don't get that from regular re-shared shitposts, as much fun as that can be. It's even how I often find new friends and collaborators. Authenticity and connection. I should probably write another post about that.

One friend has been mailing handwritten letters for the last few years. Another friend I'm just getting acquainted with better lately has been toying with the idea of taking the opportunity of abandoning Facebook to mail printed/copied self-written posts to people's physical addresses. Even the impersonal can become personal when it strikes up the feeling of connection in the receiver, and much moreso when it strikes a reply and conversation.

I would love to see more zines in the world!

And, of course, you have this. What you're reading right now. My thoughts to you, in your email. You're free to reply to me right from your inbox. Or you can comment. Or you can simply feel the connection to me knowing that you're keeping up with what's going on in my life and my thoughts.

I would absolutely love if you all had your own newsletters, telling all of us about your thoughts. It doesn't even have to be completely public. It can be to limited people. For the record, I'm using Ghost(Pro) for this newsletter and I could lock it down to specific people if I wanted. Or, if you had a limited and private list of friends/family, you could probably do it from a regular email account. There are other free options, too. Just please don't use Substack.

If you're using Facebook and the other platforms simply to keep up with people, take stock. Maybe what you need is not just another social media platform.

Maybe you should write a letter, or a post, or a newsletter like this one. Maybe a blog. Maybe you should make a phone call. Or send a text. Or schedule a time to meet up. I routinely schedule video chats with my friends around the world so we can have coffee and smoke together, chat, cry, laugh, snort, conspire, dream, and share our lives with each other across the distances.

So, despite the dangers of staying on awful platforms that you rationally understand, if you're still on the fence about whether or not you should leave, let me appeal to your emotional side.

Because really. Really. Are you on Facebook because of the content, or because you crave connection? Are you getting what you need on that platform? Or are you stuck in an endless doom loop, scrolling while hoping to find that connection, only to find more of the stuff that makes you feel empty and less of the stuff that makes you feel whole?

Instead, find ways to connect, not just to like, comment and subscribe.

Speaking of... if you're not subscribed, feel free to subscribe to this newsletter. Or don't. Do what you want. I'm not your mom. kisses

no ends, only means